“Maawan Thandiyan Chawan” (mothers are like cool shadows)

 “Maawan Thandiyan Chawan” (mothers are like cool shadows or more appropriately that you feel good under mother's shelter). 

But loss of one’s mother is one of the most devastating losses that could happen in one’s life. For one, you lose the person who loves you fully and unconditionally. And then your source of solace, peace and tranquility goes away. I lost my mother on this day 12 years ago but every morning when I woke up I feel I lost her yesterday as she is always there with me and I haven’t lost memory of any single moment of memory of hers.

Ever since the death of my mother, I have come to realize the importance of mothers in general. I miss my mother all the time. Some think that time heals all wounds, but the loss of one’s mother is an exception to this generalization. The pain of missing her stays with you till your last breath. It lessens gradually over months and years, but never goes away fully.

Whole of this phenomenon can be summarized in following words of Susan Wiggs:

“There is something about losing a mother

that is permanent and inexpressible

– a wound that will

never quite

heal.”

But I am a firm believer that although it’s a big loss but it’s something bound to happen one day therefore:

“When you speak of her,

speak not with tears,

for thoughts of her should not be sad.

Let memories of the times you shared

give you comfort,

for her life was rich

because of you.”

Though we have other relationships in life, the ‘mother and child relationship is the most selfless relationship. It is more often than not based on the selfless love and care without any regard to the material things in life. As a child, “ma” or “mother” is the first word that you say in your time of trouble or need. And even when you grow up, it is your mother’s comforting hug and encouraging words that take away your troubles and make you feel good and I was a real lucky one that I was blessed with many such hugs by mother in real when she was alive and now all the time in my dreams.

Everybody thinks they have a great mom, but as kids, we KNEW we had a great mom because everybody else told us so. She mothered all our friends, cousins & even neighborhood kids who came into the house, even those with perfectly good mothers of their own. Another of her quality was that she’s the one who made sure all of her children never went through a day of their lives doubting that somebody loved them or doubting that somebody was proud of them. Her qualities are best described by John Milton in the following words:

“Grace was in all her steps,

heaven in her eye,

in every gesture,

dignity and love.”

My mother was a real fighter; she held the family together and raised us under difficult circumstances. Her values form the basis for mine; most of them were deeply rooted into me with time-worn sayings such as “Honesty is the best policy” and “never hurt anyone.” Her generosity with her time, her energy, her advice, and in so many other ways provided invaluable support to a remarkable number of people. Her uncompromising integrity and honesty have proven to be among the most important guides for myself in my professional and personal life. Whenever I face a situation in which I am unsure about which direction to take, I have always had a tool to guide me in the form of a simple question: – “Would I be willing to tell my mother what I have done if I choose this path?” Life forces us all into positions of compromise and presents challenges to our honesty and our integrity, and I observed my mother rise and meet those challenges one after the other throughout my life with courage and a toughness and a sense of right and wrong which was awe inspiring. It was her values and her commitment to community and people which led her into politics and then law and which kept her involved in local politics and community service in all respects to the very last months of her life. The key to her happiness was her whimsical approach to life.

As a parent and friend, my mother had an extraordinary ability to make each of us feel stronger and more confident in our own identity, giving us our own sense of independence and mental toughness which, speaking for me has been such an asset in so many ways in my life. She will live in our memories and our hearts forever and I am will always be extremely proud to call myself the son of JAMILA ISA. Even though she is gone now I know that her legacy will live on in all of us. She was an incredible teacher and mother who inspired everyone who knew her. Mom, your memory will live on in all of our hearts forever.

She was a leader, a mentor; source of inspiration and motivational charge for me and this feeling and emotion are best expressed by Langston Hughes:

“Well, son, I’ll tell you:

Life for me ain’t been no crystal stair.

It’s had tacks in it,

And splinters,

And boards torn up,

And places with no carpet on the floor!

Bare.

But all the time

I’se been a-climbin’ on,

And reachin’ landin’s,

And turnin’ corners,

And sometimes goin’ in the dark

Where there ain’t been no light.

So, boy, don’t you turn back.

Don’t you set down on the steps.

‘Cause you finds it’s kinder hard.

Don’t you fall now!

For I’se still goin’, honey,

I’se still climbin’,

And life for me ain’t been no crystal stair.”

May Allah raise her to the highest pedestal in Jannah-Tul-Firdous. (Ameen Summa Aameen), I request all my readers to recite Surah Fatiha and pray for her forgiveness and raise in her pedestal in Jannat-ul Firdous.

By Her Loving Son:

OVAIS ASAD KHAN